I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
