You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
