I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
