i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize