Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
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I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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