i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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