just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
