He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
accomplished twins. life is a go
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
