you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
