first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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