he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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