my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
