Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
