I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
