You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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