I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In other news, I just burned my penis
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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