I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
