I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
