Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
