dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
