I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We have started to decorate penises.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
