Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
