Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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