it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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