I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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