I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
