make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
