So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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