my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
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The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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