Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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