Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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