There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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