In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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