i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
