doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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