i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
