3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
