I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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