I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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