if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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