Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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