and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
