Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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