About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
