Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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