Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
