I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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