I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
