Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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