I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
