Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
