"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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