watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i drank out of a bidet.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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