I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
