He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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