She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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