I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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