4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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