Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
When are your genitals available?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
