just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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