like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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