wakey wakey hands off snakey
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
