she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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