I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
