bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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