Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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