five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
