It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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