evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
