Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
