Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
