he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
