life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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