So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
