Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize