Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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