why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Everclear isn't food dammit
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
