So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
