i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
