Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
