We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He did a backflip because drugs
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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