Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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