And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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