When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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