mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i think i just lost a toe
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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