My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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