JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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